Tanach · Rishonim on Tanach · Ramban · Torah

Ramban on Genesis 38:11/רמב"ן על בראשית ל״ח:י״א

אוְטַעַם שְׁבִי אַלְמָנָה בֵית אָבִיךְ שֶׁתִּנְהֲגִי אַלְמְנוּתֵךְ שָׁם, "עַד יִגְדַּל שֵׁלָה", רָמַז לָהּ הִתְאַבְּלִי וְלִבְשִׁי בִגְדֵי אֵבֶל וְאַל תָּסוּכִי שֶׁמֶן, כְּאִשָּׁה חֲגֻרַת שַׂק עַל בַּעַל נְעוּרֶיהָ, עַד שֶׁיִּגְדַּל שֵׁלָה וִייַבֵּם אוֹתָךְ, כִּי כֵן הַמִּנְהָג בַּמִּתְיַבֶּמֶת, כִּי הַיּוֹצֵאת וְחֶפְצָהּ לְהִנָּשֵׂא לְאִישׁ זָר לוֹבֶשֶׁת בִּגְדֵי אֵבֶל יָמִים מְעַט כְּפִי הַמִּנְהָג, וּמִתְנַחֶמֶת וְלוֹבֶשֶׁת שָׁנִים וּתְכַס בַּצָּעִיף וְתִתְעַלָּף עַד שֶׁתִּנָּשֵׂא לָאִישׁ:

1ABIDE A WIDOW AT THY FATHER’s HOUSE. The meaning thereof is that “you should conduct yourself there as a widow until Shelah be grown up.” He suggested to her: “Place yourself in mourning, put on mourning garments, do not anoint yourself with oil, as a woman girded with sack-cloth for the bridegroom of her youth,¹⁶⁵ until Shelah be grown up and he will marry you.” Such was the custom of a widow waiting to be married: she who desires to be married to a stranger wears mourning garments only for a short period as is the custom, and then feigning comfort arrays herself in scarlet. And she covered herself with a veil,¹⁶⁶, as an indication that she was no longer mourning. See Ramban further, Verse 16. until she be married to a man.

בכִּי אָמַר כְּלוֹמַר הָיָה דּוֹחֶה אוֹתָהּ בְּקַשׁ, שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה בְּדַעְתּוֹ לְהַשִּׂיאָהּ לוֹ, "כִּי אָמַר פֶּן יָמוּת גַּם הוּא כְּאֶחָיו", כִּי מֻחְזֶקֶת הִיא זוֹ שֶׁיָּמוּתוּ אֲנָשֶׁיהָ, לְשׁוֹן רַשִׁ"י (רש"י על בראשית ל"ח:י"א). וְלֹא יָדַעְתִּי לָמָּה יִתְבַּיֵּשׁ יְהוּדָה הַמּוֹשֵׁל בְּדוֹרוֹ מִן הָאִשָּׁה הַזֹּאת וְלֹא יֹאמַר אֵלֶיהָ לְכִי לְשָׁלוֹם מִבֵּיתִי, וְלָמָּה יַטְעֶה אוֹתָהּ וְהִיא אֲסוּרָה לְשֵׁלָה, כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמְרוּ (יבמות סד) בְּנִשּׂוּאִים בִּתְרֵי זִמְנֵי הָוְיָא חֲזָקָה. וְעוֹד כִּי בִּהְיוֹתוֹ מַקְפִּיד עַל זְנוּנֶיהָ לְחַיֵּב אוֹתָהּ שְׂרֵפָה, נִרְאֶה שֶׁהָיָה חָפֵץ בָּהּ לִהְיוֹתָהּ בְּבֵיתוֹ. וְרָחוֹק הוּא שֶׁלֹּא שָׁמַע יְהוּדָה כִּי בָּנָיו חָטְאוּ וַיְשַׁלְּחֵם בְּיַד פִּשְׁעָם וְאֵין לְתָמָר בָּהֶם חֵטְא. וְהַנָּכוֹן בְּעֵינַי שֶׁהָיָה שֵׁלָה רָאוּי לְיַבֵּם, אֲבָל לֹא רָצָה אָבִיו שֶׁיְּיַבֵּם אוֹתָהּ וְעוֹדֶנּוּ נַעַר פֶּן יֶחֱטָא בָּהּ כְּאֶחָיו אֲשֶׁר מֵתוּ בִּנְעוּרֵיהֶם, כִּי נְעָרִים הָיוּ אֵין לְאֶחָד מֵהֶם שְׁתֵּים עֶשְׂרֵה שָׁנָה, וְכַאֲשֶׁר יִגְדַּל וְיִשְׁמַע לְמוּסַר אָבִיו אָז יִתְּנֶנָּה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה. וְכַאֲשֶׁר הִמְתִּינָה יָמִים רַבִּים וְרָאֲתָה כִּי גָדַל שֵׁלָה בְּעֵינֶיהָ, וְהוּא עוֹדֶנּוּ נַעַר לְאָבִיו כִּי אֵין לוֹ עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים, וְהָיָה מַמְתִּין לוֹ עוֹד, אָז מִהֲרָה תָּמָר בְּרוֹב תַּאֲוָתָהּ לְהוֹלִיד מִזֶּרַע הַקֹּדֶשׁ וְעָשְׂתָה הַמַּעֲשֶׂה הַזֶּה:

2FOR HE SAID, LEST HE ALSO DIE, LIKE HIS BRETHREN. That is to say, he dismissed her with a paltry reply because he never intended to give her to him in marriage. For he said, Lest he also die, like his brethren, for she has established herself as one whose husbands die young. This is Rashi’s Language.Now I do not know why Judah, a ruler of his generation, should be shy towards this woman and not tell her, “Go in peace from my house,” and why should he mislead her when she is even forbidden to Shelah, just as the Rabbis have said concerning a married woman:¹⁶⁷ “Twice establishes a presumption [that the woman is a katlanith — a woman whose husbands die].” However since Judah was angered by her harlotry to the extent of condemning her to be burned, it would appear that he originally did wish her to remain in his family. It is also unreasonable to say that Judah did not hear about how his children sinned against G-d, thus causing Him to deliver them into the hands of their fate, while Tamar was guiltless in their death.¹⁶⁸The correct view appears to me to be that Shelah was fit for the marriage, but his father did not want him to marry Tamar while he was still a youth, lest he commit some sin with her as had his brothers who died young, for they were boys, none of them having attained twelve years¹⁶⁹ of age. His intention was that when he would mature and would listen to the instruction of his father, he would then give her to him as a wife. But when she had waited a long time and it appeared to her that Shelah had grown up — although in the eyes of his father he was still a boy as he was not yet ten years old and therefore his father was bent on waiting longer — then Tamar, in her craving to give birth from the sacred race, hastened and did this deed.